Bungalow Lil wrestles with technology,

About twenty years ago, I wrote, not exactly a thriller but a story about Ireland with a suitable number of dead bodies, unpleasant characters and what I considered Irish perfidy.   The book lay unloved and unread, all 450 pages of the wretched thing and I had never been to Ireland.   I knew nothing about the place other than the hunting was superb.   I wrote about the army, another subject I know nothing about, I wrote about the intelligence services, again, my ignorance was rock bottom and I wrote about religious sensibilities as only an atheist can.   I invented a method of killing people that was pure fantasy and quite lethal.   All this was placed in the mixer that for me passes for my brain.

My present task is to type out the long lost book and see if anyone would like to read it – who knows, it might be a brilliant expose, nouvelle vague, that kind of thing, compulsory reading which grabs you. Or maybe not.

For the last twenty years I’ve been encouraged to use a computer.   I’ve done six months with Learn Direct, I’ve done a course in Ripon where I learnt to make Christmas cards only to forget how to do it by Boxing day.   I did another course in Richmond but can’t remember learning anything there.  I even have a certificate.  I can vaguely email so long as I don’t have to do any fancy stuff.   I can type using the right fingers and know my pass word. That is all, oh no it isn’t, I once knew how to make coloured swirls but have long since forgotten.

I’ve now typed out and edited over 60 pages on the computer.   First the computer went into mega large print, then it produced another old novel buried in it’s bowels.   After that it all turned blue, changed font and regularly does massive leaps like a salmon up a weir.   Now it’s split the prose into 4 different pages, I spent over an hour working that one out but am left with pages reduced to less than inch – I simply can’t fix that.   A lovely lady called Chris has helped me get the printer working but hasn’t worked since she walked out of the house, I can’t remember if ‘on’ and ‘start’ are the same thing.

Please, is there anyone out in the ether who can help.  One little old lady, six novels, one published ‘on Amazon’ and no capacity to understand the wonders of wretched technology.   Not for me, on line shopping I can’t even bring my novels into the 21st century.   I’m Stuck.     LIL

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